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Hillarious
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What do the premiership and battery powered drills have in common???



they both have no leeds


Q: What has 70,000 arms and an IQ of 170
A: Elland road every other Saturday.



Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Leeds?
A: It saves time



Q: What do you call a Leeds fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi?
A: A burglar


Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing? A: It's five past three.



Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends? A: A Shepherd




Q: What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving? A: Diarrhoea



Q: What have General Pinochet and Leeds United have in common?
A: They both round people up into football stadiums and torture them.



Elland Road Boss Ken Bates has sacked David Leary and employed a new Chinese manager.
His name: Win One Soon


Q: What do you say to a Leeds United fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac please!



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i dreaming of an Anton header
just like the one at sh*te Hart Lane
when the ball came over
and Shaka fell over
and we all went f*cking insane.


And through it all he offers us protection
He’s pretty damn near perfection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall

Wherever it may take us
I know that life won't break us
When Rio comes to call - he won't forsake us
We’re loving Anton instead




This is a gem, to the tune of thats amore (or zamora):

when your foods on your plate
you'll Know its out of date

thats lasagne

you can blame the hotel
as your guts start to swell

thats lasagne

when your sick at the game
and your bodys in pain

thats lasagne

but we know you wont win
it's because your so thin

thats lasagne


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1. millscum Victory (fortunately almost phased out of common usage)
2. Paul Ince
3. Alcohol-Free
4. Breast Reduction (guys only)
5. Fat Sam

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Girls' English
Yes = No
No = Yes
May-b = No
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!
" Do what u want" = You'll pay 4 this later!
We need to talk" = I need to bitch.
"Sure......Go ahead" = I don't want you too.
" I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron!
" How much do u love me?" = I did something today your not goin' like me 4.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me i'm beautiful.
" You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.
" Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!




Guy's English
" I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
" I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
" I'm tired " - I'm tired
" Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
" May I have this dance?" = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.
" You look tensed, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.
" What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?
" What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
" I love you" = Let's have sex right now.
" I love you too" = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!
" Let's talk" = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!
" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys.

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Have you ever wondered why the English language is

so hard to master?

We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of

a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are

present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the

sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to

sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got

number.

I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

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The Football Association was considering a scheme for simplifying club badges and emblems so that they more closely reflected the clubs' names. A committee was set up to receive suggestions and, after a few weeks, the chairman called a meeting.

'Gentlemen,' he said, 'our request for new club badge designs has produced a very satisfactory response.

Most of the suggestions are perfectly straightforward and logical - an ox for Oxford United, a sun for Sunderland, a heart for Heart of Midlothian, a windmill and a brick wall for millscum.

However, I'm afraid we must definitely draw the line at the proposed design received from Arsenal!'

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Fulham - Charlotte Church: Proof that money can't buy you class.
But could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson: Used to look good in the cups but
now a declining force. Plus millions of people watched them get a good
seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall: Poor attendances confirm they've been
promoted above their ability.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud: Only one real class act among the hastily
assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the
occasional admiring glance.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona: Once the people's favourite but now an
embarrassment. Fun while it lasted - now disappear from where you came,
please.

spurts - Keira Knightley: Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive
English spine. And proof that two little ones up front needn't be a
drawback.

Everton - Dannii Minogue: The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling.
Can anyone remember when it was they were supposed to be any good?

Arsenal - Jordan: Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with
expensive foreign implants.

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh: Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back.
Had surgery but need a lot more w*rk to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido: Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit
they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look great
but stick them together and it just doesn't w*rk.

cheatski - Rachel Stevens: You'd rather just watch them than listen to all
that painful whining.

Bolton - Clare Balding: You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team
on earth